The Column

Top 5 This Week — May 5, 2026

This week is a mess of sequels, spin-offs, and island-bound homicide that suggests we've officially run out of new ideas. Between the endless walking in Middle-earth and yet another Austen sister begging for attention, it's mostly just expensive comfort food. Great if you want the same old beats; less so if you’re looking for a reason to stay awake.

01
In Theaters
Swapped

Barrier to entry and prior knowledge needed · Overall emotional tone - how positive/negative the experience feels

Ollie the bird stares down at his own tiny, furry paws, realization sinking in with a high-pitched squeak. It’s a classic body-swap setup, but director Nathan Greno trades the high school cafeteria for the forest floor. Michael B. Jordan and Juno Temple lend their voices to the chaos, though the script often leaves them drowning in endless chattering tickertape. While the narrative is simple to a fault, the visuals do the heavy lifting. The Dzo—massive, moving tree-beasts—loom over the frame like remnants of an old-school prog-rock album cover, turning the environment into a psychedelic delight. It’s a feast for the eyes but a snack for the brain. Greno pushes a message of cross-species harmony that feels safe, ultimately forgettable, and entirely predictable. The film lacks the tactile soul of better animation, choosing neon distractions over real weight. It’s a shiny toy that runs out of batteries before the credits roll.

For: Parents who need eighty minutes of silence and fans of trippy, storybook aesthetics. Skip it: If you want a story that treats its audience like they have a memory longer than a goldfish’s.

02
Streaming
The Other Bennet Sister

Depth of identity and self-exploration · Dialogue-driven vs monologue/narration

Mary Bennet corrects a suitor’s grammar—"fewer" oyster patties, not "less"—and seals her fate as the family’s resident pedant. It’s a small, prickly moment that defines The Other Bennet Sister. Ella Bruccoleri doesn’t play Mary as a punchline. She gives the girl a good-humoured dignity that makes you root for her even when she’s being insufferable. While other recent period romps desperately try to modernize the Regency era, this show listens to Austen. It doesn’t try to fix her; it just inhabits the quiet corners.

The show turns an earnest, awkward, and not yet formed girl into a lead who actually earns her screentime. It moves slow. It values a sharp retort over a scandalous ballroom tryst. Mary is not dismissed—she is unfinished, and watching her find her shape is more satisfying than a high-speed carriage chase. It isn't always smooth—some dialogue feels a bit cloying—but it avoids the trap of being just another hollow costume drama.

For: Austen purists who want internal growth over glitz. Skip: Anyone looking for the neon-lit thirst traps of Bridgerton.

03
Streaming
Devil May Cry

Pacing and activity level - momentum and tempo · Visual/audio style and production distinctiveness

Dante leans back, boots on the desk, treating a demonic invasion like a minor clerical error. He’s exactly the cocky, effortless jerk the games promised. Studio Mir delivers a distinct, dynamic look that avoids the flat, cheap aesthetic of lesser anime adaptations. The show moves fast, packing its story into a 48-hour sprint. It’s a frenzied, adrenaline rush that stays big, loud, and absolutely ridiculous from start to finish.

Don’t look for emotional weight here. The show swaps depth for momentum and sword-slashing flair. It’s light on brains and heavy on style. While some critics call the early episodes a disappointing departure for fans, the series eventually finds its rhythm in the carnage. It’s a high-budget violent screensaver. You won’t walk away thinking about the human condition, but you’ll remember how the steel catches the light.

For: People who want their action loud and their protagonists arrogant. Skip: Anyone looking for a slow burn or a story with something to say.

04
Streaming

A pale British detective drips sweat into his wool suit while a "comedy lizard" scuttles across a veranda. It’s the same setup every week. Death in Paradise doesn't want to challenge you. It wants to hand you a rum punch and a crossword puzzle you already know the answers to. Critics call it an "undemanding detective show" with "nice Caribbean scenery," and they aren't lying. The show sticks to a rigid structure where the logic matters less than the bright colors. It’s the "television equivalent of having a holiday timeshare"—predictable, sunny, and entirely stationary. The rhythm matters more than the mystery. The show cycles through leads like a revolving door, yet the vibe never shifts. It remains "unremarkable" by design. It works for when your brain is fried and you need a murder that feels like a warm hug. It isn't art, but it serves as effective wallpaper.

Who it's for: People who want a low-stakes puzzle to solve while folding laundry.

Who should skip it: Anyone looking for actual suspense or a plot that doesn't reset every sixty minutes.

05
Streaming
The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey

Overall emotional tone - how positive/negative the experience feels · Emotional potency - how gripping, tense, or edge-of-seat

Martin Freeman wrinkles his nose at a dusty contract while thirteen dwarves raid his pantry for what feels like an eternity. That is the film in a nutshell. Peter Jackson takes a breezy 300-page children’s book and stretches the plot until the narrative skin tears. It is a production where the director’s fascination with technological toys overrides the simple charm of a burglar leaving his hole.

The high-frame-rate experiment makes Middle-earth look like an expensive soap opera set. It is too clean. While some find it an epically entertaining first course, the experience feels more like an endless appetizer. Jackson replaces the wit of the source material with anything but grounded visuals and bloated action sequences that lack weight. Freeman is perfect casting, but the script buries him under a mountain of CGI Orcs and distracting cameos. Jackson traded storytelling for spectacle, and the trade did not pay off.

For: Tolkien completionists and viewers who enjoy maximalist digital effects. Skip it: If you prefer the soul of the original trilogy over overstuffed pacing.