The Column
Five picks every Tuesday. Critic-informed, dimension-scored, no filler.
Top 5 This Week — Apr 7, 2026
The algorithm has finally stopped pretending it cares about coherence, slamming the neon-soaked gore of *Hell’s Paradise* right next to the sugary teen drama of *XO, Kitty*. This list is a jagged pile where the procedural tropes of *High Potential* sit beside *Pizza Movie* and the meta-snark of *Community* with zero connective tissue. It’s a messy collision of network filler and cult oddities that share nothing but a spot on your screen.
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Top 5 This Week — Mar 31, 2026
Don’t hunt for a common thread here; it’s just a loud collision of ego and eccentricity. We’re bouncing from the guerilla stunts of Nirvanna the Band to Tina Turner’s stadium sweat, then faceplanting into the polyester logic of Three’s Company. Throw in the stiff mystery of Melody of Golden Age and the clinical dread of The Institute, and you’ve got a week that’s purely about survivors of different kinds of chaos.
Top 5 This Week — Mar 24, 2026
This week’s lineup feels like a junk drawer overflowed. We’re jumping from the steroid-pumped ego of Youngblood to a chicken with a grudge in Rooster Fighter, with Fran Drescher’s nasality thrown in for spice. There’s no through-line here—just a chaotic grab bag of 90s relics and weird high-concept filler.
Top 5 This Week — Mar 17, 2026
This week’s lineup is a loud, messy study in performance, ranging from digital avatars and rubber puppets to the choreographed violence of the WWE. Butch and Sundance are the only ones here not hiding behind a blatant gimmick, even if their outlaw act feels a bit too polished. It's just a bunch of people pretending to be something else—and mostly, it’s exhausting.
Top 5 This Week — Mar 10, 2026
This week’s lineup doesn't have a coherent bone in its body. You’re bouncing from the frozen misery of The Revenant to the animated zip of a teenage Peter Parker, then landing squarely in the repetitive comfort of a courtroom. Between the giant lizards of Monarch and the awkward friction of Two People Exchanging Saliva, it’s a survival test for anyone trying to find a consistent mood.
Top 5 This Week — Mar 3, 2026
This week’s lineup looks like an algorithm had a total breakdown. We’ve got gritty vigilantes and meta-puppets competing for space with sparkly unicorns and Harlan Coben’s latest suburban secret. It’s a tonal disaster, but at least it isn't boring.
Top 5 This Week — Feb 24, 2026
Most October watchlists are just dumping grounds for hollow sequels and dusty sitcom reruns. This week’s lineup lurches from the cynical bloat of The Strangers: Chapter 3 to the genuine, eerie soul of Over the Garden Wall. It’s a chaotic mix of K-drama scale and 1960s camp that proves 'spooky' is usually just a lazy marketing label.
Top 5 This Week — Feb 17, 2026
This week’s list is a frantic search through the lost and found. From time-traveling gods and grieving chemists to the quiet rot of a replaced friend, these titles are all clawing at the skin of people who aren't there anymore. It’s a jagged collection about the high price of holding on way too long.
Top 5 This Week — Feb 10, 2026
This week’s lineup swings from the high-gloss energy of Stray Kids to the literal end of the universe. Between the medical panic in The Trauma Code and the bloated finish of Return of the King, there’s zero room for a quiet moment. It’s a loud, crowded schedule where Nolan’s space-time obsession in Interstellar and Rick and Morty’s cynicism fight for your last remaining brain cell.